In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
