Your favorite bartender is back from prision
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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