just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
