I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
