Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize