just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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