the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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