just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize