It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
