i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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