Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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