One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
