took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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