so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
