Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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