ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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