I am puke
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
