Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
