just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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