And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
