How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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