Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
