I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
