God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
