I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I believe in your delicious
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
