Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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