I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
