if you like me you must not know who I am
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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