How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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