So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
