We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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