How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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