3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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