She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
