How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
