You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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