I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
