help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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