just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
