What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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