Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
