i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
