I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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