another moral hangover. fuck.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
