I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
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So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize