i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
