we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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