All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
