I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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