Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
