Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
