i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize