She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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