You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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