Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
