he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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