I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
be right there i have to get my cape
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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