I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
