THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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