he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
