No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
