I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
