I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
