She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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