Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
