I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
