i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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