It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Mom said you looked used
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
