i would punch a child for taco bell
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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