its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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