So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
