Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
