Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
