I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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