don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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