i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
